HHS v Florida

Article link: Audio and Transcripts for Monday, Tuesday

I've read the oral arguments

And this I must conclude:

The judges sitting on the Court

Are very, very rude.

They interrupt the litigants

To ask them what or why,

And interrupt them once again

Before they can reply.

They conjure cases left and right,

And statutes by the score,

And ask the lawyers which of them

The Court should now ignore.

Marital Advice

Article link: Book tells Muslim men how to beat and control their wives

I bought the latest paperback

At half its listed price,

For help on my relationships

And marital advice.

I read the book from front to back,

By paragraph and verse,

To soak up all the sapience

The author could disperse.

I followed all the hints and tricks

I came across therein,

And found my spouse amenable

As she had ever been.

Occupation: Whatever

Article link: Obamacare Allows You to Quit Your Job and Become 'Whatever'

One needn’t be clever

To be a Whatever.

You simply must sever

Your paying endeavor,

And promise to never

Perform whatsoever

With wrench or by lever

For pay by whomever.

And having selected

A life disconnected,

Your health is protected

By those we’ve elected.

For monies collected

Will soon be directed

To those most affected

By labor neglected.

Other Nancy Pelosi posts:

     Pelosilluminati

     The San Francisco Savior

     The Styrofoam Siege

What’s a Lad to Do?

Article link: UK Schools ban making best friends

My civil disobedience

Began at six or so.

The teacher said, “No best of friends.”

I told her where to go.

And then they tried to confiscate

The lunch my mother packed.

I ate it there beneath my desk,

And heard the riot act.

They banned the sale of lemonade

I offered at my stand.

I moved my trade to alleyways,

For those with cash in hand.

Below the Salt

Article link: Mayor Bloomberg’s homeless-gift ban

As Mayor Bloomberg wants to halt

Ingestion of excessive salt,

That which comprises shelter fare

Must be what they themselves prepare.

For those who give from want or need

A bit of food, the poor to feed,

Are famous for their incidence

Of sodium ambivalence.

And so the homeless are confined

To that which they are disinclined:

Nutrition of the highest mark

With all the flavor found in bark.

Rest is Best

The Bard is on vacation,

Returning Thursday morn:

A week away to rest and play –

And dry his powder horn.

Access Denied

Article link: Liberal Women Plan ‘Sex Strike’ Protest

The Ladies Who Lunch

Are all in a bunch

O’er reproductive rights;

They plan on a strike

Where men and the like

Have days of sexless nights.

But what are the odds

These elderly broads

Could raise a spouse’s brow,

By turning the cheek

Of their physique

To sex by solemn vow?

Inventing Children

Article link: How Engineering the Human Body Could Combat Climate Change

Please have a seat, my little son,

As I explain what I have done,

To save the planet from the weight

Of those, like you, I procreate.

I’ve engineered your DNA

To cut your height and what you weigh,

Although, as little as you are,

I may have gone a bit too far.

By snipping further at the strands

Of various and sundry glands,

Your vision now displays the traits

Which tigers cherish in their mates.

The Render Wagon

Article link: Dutch mobile euthanasia units to make house calls

The render wagon's on its way

To pick up dear old dad.

He's lived a long and useful life,

And ending it is sad.

But now he’s spending his estate

On healthcare profiteers,

To ease the pain and suffering

In these, his later years.

And when his money’s spent and gone

He may just turn to me,

For room and board and God knows what,

That he’ll expect for free.

Panty Clause

Article link: New trial ordered in death of inmate forced to wear pink underwear

The sheriff stands before the court,

Which looks at him askance,

For clothing inmates at his jail

In pinkish underpants.

Such punishment, the court intones,

Without a legal cause,

Is extra-constitutional,

As per the Panty Clause.

Now set in law, the Panty Clause,

Discovered by the courts,

Defines the color and the hue

Acceptable for shorts.

Presidential Syncope

Article link: Obama Says ‘Folks Faint All the Time at My Events’

I think it makes a bit of sense

That people faint at his events,

For I am often light of head

When hearing what Obama said.

His presidential double-talk

Will often send me into shock,

And knock my balance all askew

With symptoms like the stomach flu.

I steel myself by drinking beer,

And hoping he will disappear,

But when I once again can see,

His voice continues haunting me.

Coed's Little Helper

With apologies to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, authors of Mother’s Little Helper

Article Link: Is Sandra Fluke Coordinating with the White House?

What a drag it is getting bored.

“Things are different today.”

I hear every coed say

That she can’t afford to pay

For birth control.

And though she’s not really poor,

There should be a coupon for

Girls who run to find the shelter

Of a coed’s little helper,

Which will free her up to play

With her handsome fiancé.

Anticipation

The politicians, journalists,

And other lower forms,

Will work at length, by day and night,

To stifle true reforms.

But we, of independent age,

Can hand them hat and coat,

If we but simply exercise

Our sacred right to vote.

And though the field of challengers

May slog and thrash about,

We ought to feel sufficient thrill

To vote incumbents out.

Chariots of Fire

Article link: GM suspends production of electric Volt

’Tis not enough to not burn gas,

As Chevrolet has seen:

The car itself must not burn up

To be considered green.

For people tend to shy away

From buying cars until

The cars have lost their tendency

To imitate a grill.

And who can blame a customer

For having no desire

To purchase from their government

A chariot of fire?

Other Chevy Volt posts:

     A Jolt for the Volt

     Alternative Energy

     The Keystone Lesson