Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas!

The Bard and his herd
Are gone ’til the third.

A blessed Noel
Upon where you dwell,
And Happy New Year
Of blessings and cheer.

Thursday, December 22, 2011


The murmurers and talking heads
Of late are raising hell,
That he who is the president
Would rate himself so well.

The claim he made was trivial,
For one as great as he:
Of all the former presidents
He’s bested but by three.

I’ve pondered on the legacy
Of those who came before,
And wonder why the president
Would rate himself at four?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Pain in Maine

The governor has made it plain
That Maine cannot retain,
The ever-growing gravy train
That leads to budget strain.

For every Harry, Dick and Jane
That welfare rolls sustain,
A fraction has endured the pain
Of taxes on their gain.

The Democrats have made it plain
They think it inhumane,
To ponder trying to constrain
The welfare ball and chain.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


“The system is irrational,”
Says Sheila Rappaport.
“When funding and requirements
Are constantly athwart.”

And how much should the state chip in?
Judge Sheila doesn’t say.
Apparently what’s rational
The judge cannot purvey.

The question that needs asking of
Judge Sheila Rappaport:
What other legislative act
Was ever passed but short?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Possum Drop

At midnight on the thirty-first
Amidst the flashing glare,
The apple comes to rest at last
Above the famous square.

Eight-hundred miles to the south
They have their own event:
They hoist a possum in the air
And count with its descent.

The folks at PETA think the state
Should make the practice stop.
They want to interdict the fun
At Logan’s possum drop.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Week 15

The Broncos, Jets and Packer picks
The Bard pulled from his bag of tricks
Were on the spot again last week,
And added to his winning streak.

For if I rightly recollect,
His seven last have been correct,
And twelve of thirteen hit the mark:
The Bard is on a winning arc.

The Packers ought to beat the Chiefs;
Of this there is no doubt.
The question is the final score:
The Packers in a rout.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Amidst Mutineers

I’m mortified beyond belief,
And shocked at what I’m called.
I thought that giving staffers grief
Would keep the team enthralled.

For all the nameless suffragettes
Who claim I’m mean and rude,
I’d say our little tête à têtes
Were badly misconstrued.

Perhaps a minor rise in tone,
Or volume up a bit,
Is something to which I am prone –
When staffers are unfit.

But I have never given in
Or lost control in rage,
Except in times or places when
The staffers don’t engage.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


Some say I’m antisocial, though
I think myself reserved.
My kids say I am reticent;
Such feelings are deserved.

But in a modern world enthralled
With social intercourse,
I find I’d rather be alone:
Just me, my wife and horse.

And when I hear the evening news
Or read a bit online,
It serves to reinforce my plan
To stick with me and mine.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Scientific Singularity

The modern view says scientists
Rely on intellect;
They use their method to detect
A cause, and then effect.

But lately I’ve been questioning
The wisdom of the view;
I wonder if their peer review
Is letting cretins through.

For centuries the science club
Engaged in alchemy;
They thought a potion of debris
Could give them gold for free.

And lately mobs of scientists
Have conjured climate change;
They find the climate acting strange
From proof they rearrange.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Climate Court

My uncle Alp, a wealthy Turk,
Was able to secure me work
Deciding cases of the sort
Which come before the Climate Court.

My role as Climate Trial Judge
Provides the means to give a nudge
To Britain and the USA –
In other words: I make them pay.

Because, according to the law,
From which no country can withdraw,
Developed countries such as these
Are pushing earth into a freeze.

Or maybe that was last year’s take,
And now we think the earth will bake –
But either way the climate threat
Means Western countries owe a debt.

Monday, December 12, 2011

One-Sided War

Obama left a copter tail
Inside of Pakistan,
And now has lost a secret drone
To mullahs in Iran.

As Carter had his whirlybird,
Now Barry has his drone.
What is it with these Democrats,
Where Persian ops are blown?

Apparently the Persian mind
Unnerves the Democrats;
They tuck their tails and run away
Like timid tabby cats.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Week 14

By choosing Tebow and Big Ben,
Sanchez and Rodgers, once again
The Bard plucked from his bag of tricks
Another week of perfect picks.

And owing to this upward trend,
The Bard is starting to pretend
He has the perfect Delphic touch;
His wife is thinking: “Not so much.”

The Denver Broncos meet the Bears,
And likely think a win is theirs.
It is, if they can get a blocker
Upon a fellow named Urlacher.

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Place in Space

If hubby’s death has made you frantic,
Do not give in to fear or panic.
     Pick up your cell
     And give a yell
To someone here at Mid-Atlantic.

Our funeral service staff is manic
To offer services romantic:
     By force of heat,
     Your life-long sweet
Will soon resemble ash volcanic.

And then our senior staff mechanic,
Who learned his trade in lands Germanic,
     Will launch your love
     Ten miles above
The ocean fondly called Atlantic.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Sweet Solemnity

I’m last to fast and first to feast
And love a Holy Day,
When Advent resolutions made
Are set aside… Hooray!

Happy Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Beyond the Pail

I headed for the reading room
To ponder life’s demands,
Wherein I met a bureaucrat
With schedules in his hands.

The schedules held a running list
Of toilet paper use,
With special symbols by the men
Accused of roll abuse.

Alas, I’d hit the monthly mark
Of squares I was assigned;
My plea for just a single more
Was straight away declined.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Larry King’s Expiration

While Larry King is hoping for
Suspended animation,
I hold a slightly different view
As to his situation.

For though he lived for many years
By nightly conversation,
The public may be ready now
For Larry deprivation.

And even if technology
Could end his fragmentation,
What of the ordinary man
Who waits for life’s cessation?

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Grim Utility

When Death has passed before your door
Or visited your home,
Engage the service of the firm
Of Wilkerson and Rome.

Our sterling staff of twenty-two
Is ready to provide
The service that your family needs
When one or two have died.

Your rabbi, pastor or your priest
Has worked with us before.
We’ve been in business forty years,
And plan on sixty more.

We’re up on all the latest trends
In services and wakes,
And guarantee a funeral spread
Of coffee, tea and cakes.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Week 13

The Bard fell from his magic perch:
Perfection once, then done.
His record took a body blow
When Tebow’s Broncos won.

Can Tebow do it once again
Against the Viking squad?
The Bard will make an extra pick,
And Denver gets the nod.

The Jets and Redskins play this week;
The Redskins host the show.
The Jets will treat their hosts quite ill,
And beat them head to toe.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Blick in den Spiegel

Obama, Biden, Clinton, Dodd,
John Edwards and et al.
Comprised the Democratic field,
Three years ago this fall.

I’ve searched Der Spiegel’s archive vault,
But couldn’t find a word
About the value, character,
Or measure of the herd.

But now our valued German friends
Have published up a blitz,
Advising us the GOP
Is filled with hypocrites.

And not just hypocrites have we,
Adulterers as well,
And ignoramuses and cheats,
To hear Der Spiegel tell.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Do You ’Ku?

What’s that on my shoe?
Mayor Michael’s new haiku
Walking point of view

Is haiku a crime?
I prefer organized rhyme
Else I’m wasting time

More of urban waste
By nanny mayor embraced
Placed to be defaced