Merry Christmas!

The Bard and his herd

Are gone ’til the third.

A blessed Noel

Upon where you dwell,

And Happy New Year

Of blessings and cheer.

Humility

Article link: Blogs bash Obama's historic claim

The murmurers and talking heads

Of late are raising hell,

That he who is the president

Would rate himself so well.

The claim he made was trivial,

For one as great as he:

Of all the former presidents

He’s bested but by three.

I’ve pondered on the legacy

Of those who came before,

And wonder why the president

Would rate himself at four?

The Pain in Maine

Article link: More Mainers receiving welfare than paying taxes

The governor has made it plain

That Maine cannot retain,

The ever-growing gravy train

That leads to budget strain.

For every Harry, Dick and Jane

That welfare rolls sustain,

A fraction has endured the pain

Of taxes on their gain.

The Democrats have made it plain

They think it inhumane,

To ponder trying to constrain

The welfare ball and chain.

Irrational

Article link: Judge rules Colorado fails to provide enough for schools

“The system is irrational,”

Says Sheila Rappaport.

“When funding and requirements

Are constantly athwart.”

And how much should the state chip in?

Judge Sheila doesn’t say.

Apparently what’s rational

The judge cannot purvey.

The question that needs asking of

Judge Sheila Rappaport:

What other legislative act

Was ever passed but short?

Possum Drop

Article link: PETA wants NC opossum drop custom curtailed

At midnight on the thirty-first

Amidst the flashing glare,

The apple comes to rest at last

Above the famous square.

Eight-hundred miles to the south

They have their own event:

They hoist a possum in the air

And count with its descent.

The folks at PETA think the state

Should make the practice stop.

They want to interdict the fun

At Logan’s possum drop.

Week 15

The Broncos, Jets and Packer picks

The Bard pulled from his bag of tricks

Were on the spot again last week,

And added to his winning streak.

For if I rightly recollect,

His seven last have been correct,

And twelve of thirteen hit the mark:

The Bard is on a winning arc.

The Packers ought to beat the Chiefs;

Of this there is no doubt.

The question is the final score:

The Packers in a rout.

Amidst Mutineers

Article link: NRC chief Jaczko says he's ‘mortified’ by allegations of verbal abuse

I’m mortified beyond belief,

And shocked at what I’m called.

I thought that giving staffers grief

Would keep the team enthralled.

For all the nameless suffragettes

Who claim I’m mean and rude,

I’d say our little tête à têtes

Were badly misconstrued.

Perhaps a minor rise in tone,

Or volume up a bit,

Is something to which I am prone –

When staffers are unfit.

But I have never given in

Or lost control in rage,

Except in times or places when

The staffers don’t engage.

Quislings

Article link: Obama Campaign Collecting GOP Emails

Some say I’m antisocial, though

I think myself reserved.

My kids say I am reticent;

Such feelings are deserved.

But in a modern world enthralled

With social intercourse,

I find I’d rather be alone:

Just me, my wife and horse.

And when I hear the evening news

Or read a bit online,

It serves to reinforce my plan

To stick with me and mine.

Scientific Singularity

Article link: Hurricane experts discontinue predictions

The modern view says scientists

Rely on intellect;

They use their method to detect

A cause, and then effect.

But lately I’ve been questioning

The wisdom of the view;

I wonder if their peer review

Is letting cretins through.

For centuries the science club

Engaged in alchemy;

They thought a potion of debris

Could give them gold for free.

And lately mobs of scientists

Have conjured climate change;

They find the climate acting strange

From proof they rearrange.

Climate Court

Article link: U.N. Floats Global 'Climate Court' to Enforce Emissions Rules

My uncle Alp, a wealthy Turk,

Was able to secure me work

Deciding cases of the sort

Which come before the Climate Court.

My role as Climate Trial Judge

Provides the means to give a nudge

To Britain and the USA –

In other words: I make them pay.

Because, according to the law,

From which no country can withdraw,

Developed countries such as these

Are pushing earth into a freeze.

Or maybe that was last year’s take,

And now we think the earth will bake –

But either way the climate threat

Means Western countries owe a debt.

One-Sided War

Article link: Talking tough and carrying a little stick

Obama left a copter tail

Inside of Pakistan,

And now has lost a secret drone

To mullahs in Iran.

As Carter had his whirlybird,

Now Barry has his drone.

What is it with these Democrats,

Where Persian ops are blown?

Apparently the Persian mind

Unnerves the Democrats;

They tuck their tails and run away

Like timid tabby cats.

Week 14

By choosing Tebow and Big Ben,

Sanchez and Rodgers, once again

The Bard plucked from his bag of tricks

Another week of perfect picks.

And owing to this upward trend,

The Bard is starting to pretend

He has the perfect Delphic touch;

His wife is thinking: “Not so much.”

The Denver Broncos meet the Bears,

And likely think a win is theirs.

It is, if they can get a blocker

Upon a fellow named Urlacher.

A Place in Space

Article link: Buried in space? Virginia may help pay for it

If hubby’s death has made you frantic,

Do not give in to fear or panic.

     Pick up your cell

     And give a yell

To someone here at Mid-Atlantic.

Our funeral service staff is manic

To offer services romantic:

     By force of heat,

     Your life-long sweet

Will soon resemble ash volcanic.

And then our senior staff mechanic,

Who learned his trade in lands Germanic,

     Will launch your love

     Ten miles above

The ocean fondly called Atlantic.

Sweet Solemnity

I’m last to fast and first to feast

And love a Holy Day,

When Advent resolutions made

Are set aside… Hooray!

Happy Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception!

Beyond the Pail

Article link: Toilet paper restrictions imposed on schoolchildren in Spain

I headed for the reading room

To ponder life’s demands,

Wherein I met a bureaucrat

With schedules in his hands.

The schedules held a running list

Of toilet paper use,

With special symbols by the men

Accused of roll abuse.

Alas, I’d hit the monthly mark

Of squares I was assigned;

My plea for just a single more

Was straight away declined.

Larry King’s Expiration

Article link: Larry King wants to be placed in suspended animation

While Larry King is hoping for

Suspended animation,

I hold a slightly different view

As to his situation.

For though he lived for many years

By nightly conversation,

The public may be ready now

For Larry deprivation.

And even if technology

Could end his fragmentation,

What of the ordinary man

Who waits for life’s cessation?

The Grim Utility

Article link: Burning deceased humans will produce electricity

When Death has passed before your door

Or visited your home,

Engage the service of the firm

Of Wilkerson and Rome.

Our sterling staff of twenty-two

Is ready to provide

The service that your family needs

When one or two have died.

Your rabbi, pastor or your priest

Has worked with us before.

We’ve been in business forty years,

And plan on sixty more.

We’re up on all the latest trends

In services and wakes,

And guarantee a funeral spread

Of coffee, tea and cakes.

Week 13

The Bard fell from his magic perch:

Perfection once, then done.

His record took a body blow

When Tebow’s Broncos won.

Can Tebow do it once again

Against the Viking squad?

The Bard will make an extra pick,

And Denver gets the nod.

The Jets and Redskins play this week;

The Redskins host the show.

The Jets will treat their hosts quite ill,

And beat them head to toe.

Blick in den Spiegel

Article link: The Republicans' Farcical Candidates: A Club of Liars, Demagogues and Ignoramuses

Obama, Biden, Clinton, Dodd,

John Edwards and et al.

Comprised the Democratic field,

Three years ago this fall.

I’ve searched Der Spiegel’s archive vault,

But couldn’t find a word

About the value, character,

Or measure of the herd.

But now our valued German friends

Have published up a blitz,

Advising us the GOP

Is filled with hypocrites.

And not just hypocrites have we,

Adulterers as well,

And ignoramuses and cheats,

To hear Der Spiegel tell.

Do You ’Ku?

Article link: New York City to promote traffic and pedestrian safety—through haiku

What’s that on my shoe?

Mayor Michael’s new haiku

Walking point of view

Is haiku a crime?

I prefer organized rhyme

Else I’m wasting time

More of urban waste

By nanny mayor embraced

Placed to be defaced