The Great Reformer

Article link: Senator Nelson (D-NE) proposes cuts to investigative arm of Congress

In the pantheon of stars,

Next to Jupiter and Mars,

Gorbachev and Boris Yeltsin

Stands the Great Reformer, Nelson.

From his perch upon the Hill

Nelson wields his deadly quill,

Reigning in the biggest spenders,

With the verdicts that he renders.

Nelson scoured government,

And to our great wonderment

Found a cut he could deliver

In his subcommittee quiver.

Processing Perdue

Article link: Gov. Bev Perdue (D-NC) proposes calling off elections

Ms. Beverly’s a chicken,

Afraid of what we’ll do

If we should hold elections;

She’s rightly named Perdue.

Or maybe she’s a turkey,

Whose brain is all askew

From turpentine ingestion –

A turkey named Perdue.

The Democratic gizzards

Are boiled, poached and stewed,

And call for desperate measures

Advanced by Bev Perdue.

Unemployment Cards

Article link: Hallmark Launches Line of Unemployment Sympathy Cards

For an Independent

Front:

You walk the unemployment line

In suffering and pain

Inside:

You might have been much better served

By voting for McCain.

From an Accountant

Front:

I know you lost your job last week,

But that will not impress

Inside:

The folks who’ve come to visit from

The friendly IRS.

For a Democrat

Front:

You’ve lost your job and livelihood,

But here’s Obama’s pitch:

Inside:

Your mood will be much better when

We stick it to the rich.

For a Chief Executive

Front:

The sparkle and the shine are gone,

Along with hope and change

Inside:

The good news is the time you’ll have

To hit the driving range.

High Harry Days

Article link: Senate reaches deal to avert government shutdown

Into a corner Harry Reid

Applied the paint of FEMA’s need.

He crossed the House with petty games,

And called them less than noble names.

He manufactured, with a threat,

Another game of debt roulette,

And said to take a day or two

To contemplate his point of view.

But Boehner clearly didn’t wanna:

The House went home for Rosh Hashanah.

Preachin to the Choir

Article link: Obama tells blacks to 'stop complainin' and fight

Now stop y’alls complainin,

‘N stop yer cryin too.

Ya gots to get campainin;

Ya gots to foller through.

Toss off yer bedroom slippers,

‘N get yer marchin shoes,

‘N buckle up yer knickers,

‘N pay yer union dues.

‘N quit yer belly achin –

I listens to y’all –

I’s hard at work creatin

The new T’mannie Hall.

Week 3

I think the public ought to know,

The Bard, last week, was three and oh.

If this week brings another three,

I may begin to charge a fee.

The Vikings get Detroit at home

Inside the ugly Metrodome.

The Lions ought to have a feast,

And win by seven points, at least.

The Green Bay Packers will not yield

When visiting at Soldier Field.

The Bears will lose, it seems to me,

But not by many more than three.

The Jets are cruising to the coast,

Where Oakland will oblige as host.

If Gang Green doesn’t win by six,

I’ll re-consider making picks.

Public Hanging

Article link: Charlie Rangel’s portrait hung in House Ways and Means hearing room

For statutory thuggery

And violating laws,

The former head of Ways and Means

Was hung to loud applause.

The cries for mercy were ignored

And justice was restored,

When on that fateful afternoon

They pulled the velvet cord.

He hangs by Rostenkowski, Mills,

And others of the sort

Who used illegal ways or means

Of capital support.

Career Services

Article link: From ‘Yes We Can’ to ‘But It’s Hard’

Obama thinks his job is hard.

He’s battered, bruised;

He’s bent and scarred.

I guess it caught Barack off guard

That presidents

Should work so hard.

I recommend a greeting card

Be sent to him,

With fond regard,

Explaining that he is not barred

From stepping off

The ballot card.

For if Barack would just discard

The center stage

On which he’s starred,

He might find work that’s not so hard,

As meter maid

Or crossing guard.

Matthew 18:15-20, Revised

Article link: California City Fines Couple for Holding Bible Study in Their Home

The S.J. Capistrano code

Prohibits more than two

From gathering inside a home

For biblical review.

To integrate the city code

With sacred holy writ,

I’ve intermingled both as one

And made a perfect fit:

If next of kin against ye sins,

Return ye with a friend,

But keep in mind, you’ll all be fined

If more than two attend.

Help for Harry

Article link: Reid threatens government shutdown

The august leader Harry Reid

Has now decided and decreed

That FEMA needs a money spike

Of double what the House would like.

As Harry’s will is made of steel,

He will not compromise or deal;

To make the GOP relent,

He plans to close the government.

For in the vast and endless sea

Of federal bureaucracy

He cannot find a small offset

To counter adding to the debt.

Perhaps a simple test will find

That Harry Reid is mostly blind,

And could perceive what he has missed

With help from his optometrist.

Coming of Age

Article link: Sparse ‘Day of Rage’

I signed up for the Day of Rage

To bring the bankers down,

To kill the kings of capital,

Or run them out of town.

For twenty thousand youth enraged

Can do most anything;

Just look across the Middle East

And watch the Arab Spring.

I worked my rage for days on end

To elevate its peak;

I screamed and shouted extra loud,

And practiced my technique.

I learned a dozen sixties songs

’Bout giving peace a chance,

And used the ATM nearby

To get a cash advance.

The Daddy Tax

Article link: Obama to propose $1.5 trillion in tax increases

I’ve got a painful deficit;

My spend exceeds my pay.

But rather than reduce my spend

I’ve found another way.

I’m willing to sustain my spend

By raising revenue;

The income from my brilliant plan

Should keep me in fondue.

It’s called an occupation tax,

Imposed on those who sleep

In any room within the house,

And rates are fairly steep.

With children who are working stiffs,

Employed at least part-time,

There is no need to let them sponge

On daddy dearest’s dime.

Week 2

Jacksonville may find a way

To beat the favored Jets today;

But I’ll take Gang Green

By ten to fifteen.

And in the game I plan to view

The Lions and a boy named Suh,

Will take down KC

By twenty to three.

And late tonight in Georgia’s Dome

The Falcons play to win at home;

They’ll win on a kick,

And beat Michael Vick.

Neighborhood AttackWatch

Article link: Obama campaign site becomes laughing stock of internet

I’ve got some neighbors to expose

For watching right-wing TV shows.

I’m sure they are Obama’s foes,

And even now their number grows.

My next door neighbor’s name is Fred.

He hates Bernanke and the Fed,

And claims the US dollar’s dead;

He trades his cash for gold instead.

Another neighbor is a Jew

Who says he’ll never vote for you.

If I were you, I’d follow through;

I think he might be racist too.

A right-wing zealot I have seen

Down at the local putting green,

Is using words I find obscene

About your teleprompt machine.

24 From Mr. Gore

Article link: Al Gore's 24-hour spectacle

If twenty-four from Mr. Gore

Was that which you were waiting for,

You might check in a loony bin;

They have a wing for Albert’s kin.

Ms. Maggie Fox, who runs the box

From which Al Gore projects his vox,

Has had a thing for Climate Spring

And wants to make Big Oil swing.

But I would call September fall,

And note that Gore cares not at all

For verity, sincerity,

Or personal austerity.

If You Love Me

Video link: “If you love me, you gotta help me pass this bill.”

If you love me and you know it, pass the bill!

If you love me and you know it, pass the bill!

If you love me and you know it,

And you really want to show it,

If you love me and you know it, pass the bill!

If you love me, don’t reject me, pass the bill!

If you love me, don’t reject me, pass the bill!

If you love me, don’t reject me,

Pass the bill and re-elect me,

If you love me, don’t reject me, pass the bill!

If you love me, tell John Boehner, pass the bill!

If you love me, tell John Boehner, pass the bill!

If you love me, tell John Boehner,

That you love the great campaigner,

If you love me, tell John Boehner, pass the bill!

Obama Loves the Poor

Article link: U.S. poverty rate reaches 15.1 percent

Obama truly loves the poor,

Who ought to give him thanks:

His policies ensure that more

Will quickly join their ranks.

If misery loves company

He’s cornered countless votes,

By legislation and decree

And plans that he promotes.

We ought to thank him properly

For all the things he’s done

To lead us into poverty:

He is no doubt The One…

Donkey Dumping

Article link: Donkey dumping is on the rise

Barack, his horrible highness,

Has led the equus asinus,

     In poll after poll,

     Down into a hole;

His help at the top is a minus.

Barack has demanded the Hill

Consider his stimulus bill,

     Which even an ass

     Would shudder to pass,

And nobody thinks that it will.

Those jackasses, burros and jennies

Who’ve drawn us all down to our pennies

     Now wait for the skies

     To bring their demise

Like good climate-change Henny Pennys.

Krugman is a Coward

Article link: Paul Krugman says 9/11 is an occasion for American shame

Give me a fake Giuliani,

Or give me a fake Forty-Three,

Give me a fake Bernie Kerick

When terrorists strike out at me.

Keep your Nobel Peace Prize winners

And keep your economists too,

Who call for community service

To celebrate what we’ve been through.

I’d rather a president’s actions

Be straightforward, sharp and defined,

Than burdened with doubt and inaction

And leading the troops from behind.

And when we recall nine-eleven

When buildings and fields were aflame,

We thank the good Lord for our leaders –

And leave to Paul Krugman his shame.

And what better way to remember

Than seeing the leftists exposed,

When giving such aid to jihadists –

And then marking comments as closed.

The American Way

Article links: Bloomberg bans clergy and first responders from 9/11 ceremony

How sad this anniversary day

Is sullied by the Bloomberg way,

With censure for the ones who pray

And those we owe, but can’t repay.

For those the mayor turns away,

And those who died that awful day,

We ought to bow our heads and pray:

That is the American way.

Week 1

The simplest pleasures in life

Require a man and a wife,

     The children of same,

     And Sunday’s big game, 

And steaks with a fork and a knife.

Despite any pain or regrets,

Your finances, mortgage and debts

     Will vanish away,

     Like cuts of fillet,

When Dallas kicks off to the Jets.

Whatever your city or team,

Each season begins with a dream:

     To root for a win

     With kith and with kin,

And gallons of Cookies-n-Cream.

Will

Article link: Obama's jobs plan will be paid for? Seems not.

That Will’s an odd, uncertain cat;

He means then this, and means now that.

When Will is used, you might look at

The many ways he hangs his hat.

A fixed intent or certain plan

Is often well within his span.

But oftentimes, our leading man

Will cat about as Should or Can.

And Will likewise means legacy,

The hot bloodline, the family tree.

It may do well for you and me,

But future heirs may disagree.

Beware the Chair

Article link: San Francisco may require seat protection from nudists

Of San Francisco fare

One ought to be aware,

For in the public square

Some residents are bare.

And no Godiva hair,

Nor tall Godiva mare,

Is needed to forswear

Your britches by the pair.

The people there don’t care

If all the public share

Your dearth of outerwear

And lack of underwear.

But now there is a scare

About this great affair,

For some would like to spare

The folks who visit there.

Nothin' New Under The One

Article link: Pelosi Says No GOP Response ‘Disrespectful’ to President Obama

Pelosi is beside herself

     With Boehner’s foul play:

His sole response

Is nonchalance

     To what Barack will say.

To heal Pelosi’s troubled mind

     I offer here below,

My answers to

Obama’s view;

     She’ll find them apropos:

An interactive power point

     That counts the red Chinese,

Who got the jobs

The union mobs

     Have driven overseas;

A ninety-minute video

     Displaying Biden’s gaffes,

And on the side

A rolling slide

     Of unemployment graphs;

Civility Flexibility

Article link: New York Times Ignores Hoffa's Tea Party Attack

I’ve read the Times from front to back,

And even gave the Post a whack,

But nowhere did I chance to see,

On pages one through eighty-three,

A lesson on civility.

I guess the Times and Post forgot

That when Ms. Giffords took a shot

They blamed it on the GOP,

Conservatives and Tea Party,

And hateful incivility.

The President then gave a speech

He thought would help repair the breach

Of rising volatility,

Which, coupled with hostility,

Had led to incivility.

The High Road

Article links: Vice President calls Tea Party ‘barbarians’; union leader follows with ‘SOBs’

I didn’t have the Labor Day

I hoped that it would be:

I first was called barbarian,

And then an SOB.

And what, you ask, may I have done

To cause such repartee?

I registered Republican,

And voted GOP.

I stood against Obamacare

And claimed the right to work,

Which makes the liberal Democrats

And unions go berserk.

I scoffed at Mr. Harry Reid,

And wrote a little verse

That mocked Ms. Debbie Wasserman,

Which makes me even worse.

Labor Day

Before we wield the carving fork
To segregate our share of pork,
We ought to bow our heads and pray
For those without a job today.

And when the beer or wine is poured,
We ought to stop and thank the Lord
For giving us our daily work
As CEO or shipping clerk.

But after all our thanks are said,
For job and home and daily bread,
We then can rush the big buffet
And raise a toast to Labor Day.

The Perfect Storm

As thunder rumbles through the house,

I heed the counsel of my spouse

And stumble off to lie in bed,

To rest my weary frame and head.

The storm which passes overhead

Ensures I lie awake instead,

Atop the layered bits of foam

Enclosed within a frame of chrome.

The thunder shakes our ancient home,

Which trembles from its base to dome.

I toss aside the sheets and spread,

For any hope of rest has fled.

I ponder on a simple thread

Of verse appearing in my head

About a storm, a bed, a house,

And heeding counsel from a spouse.

I Only Saw the Bus

With apologies to Emily Dickinson, author of I Never Saw a Moor

Article links: Obama flew his new bus from stop to stop; left for Camp David in a helicopter and arrived in a car

I only saw the bus,

I didn’t see the plane;

I thought he drove from here to there.

Would someone please explain?

I saw the helicopter,

I didn’t see the car;

Why does he change from here to there?

He needs a travel czar.

Obama’s travel dramas

Are curious indeed;

He must be hiding from his foes –

Or maybe Harry Reid.

I’m sure he has his reasons,

Or maybe it’s a trick;

I’m hoping in November ’12

To see his walking stick.

Other posts on transportation and travel:

     The Magic Bus

     A Jolt for the Volt

     I Thought I Saw a President

Obama Standard Time

Article link: Obama's attempt to step on Republican debate fails

The campaigner-in-chief

Holds the firmest belief

That the planets all orbit his frame;

He’s excluding, of course,

Our reduced labor force,

For he wants to give Congress the blame.

Back in August of ’10,

He had promised that when

He returned from vacationing days,

He would offer a plan

To restore, to a man,

Full employment, along with a raise.

‘Try, Try Again’ Revisited

With apologies to T. H. Palmer, author of Try, Try Again

Article links: Biden, Reid and Brown at Clean Energy Summit; Government-supported solar tech firm Solyndra to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy

If at first you don’t succeed,

Let Joe Biden intercede;

He’ll secure a guarantee

From his friends at DOE.

If you still cannot succeed,

Ask for help from Harry Reid;

He’ll secure a major grant

To construct a newer plant.

When investors start to frown,

Call for help from Jerry Brown;

California’s cash machine

Opens when the jobs are green.

When your banker starts to frown,

Hitch your pants and buckle down;

Blame the poor economy

As you move to bankruptcy.