I Thought I Saw a President

With apologies to Lewis Carroll, author of The Mad Gardener’s Song

I thought I saw a President

   Step off the waiting bus,

And climb up to the podium

   To give a speech for us.

“It’s not,” he said, “the President.

   “It’s Teleprompter Plus.”

I thought I saw a compromise

   That had a great appeal,

Which kept the White House open

   And stopped the czar ordeal.

“A signing statement will,” he said,

   “Subvert the latest deal.”

I thought I saw an olive branch,

   With compromise in reach:

Paul Ryan and the GOP

   Invited to his speech.

“He likes,” he said, “to vilify

   “When he gets up to preach.”

Prayer for Our Fallen Warriors

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,

And let perpetual light shine upon them.

May their souls, and the souls of all the departed,

Through the Mercy of God, Rest in Peace. Amen.

My Intellectual Stammer

Article Link: The LA Times says the president has an ‘intellectual stammer’

I suffer from a stammer too;

I’m not sure what it means.

It often rears its ugly head

Right after eating beans.

The problem then becomes acute

When I am drinking beers,

But if I drink a shot or two

The stammer disappears.

I never thought it had to do

With brains or intellect,

But if Obama has it too

There’s nothing to correct!

Wasserman Etymology

Article links: Wasserman Schultz attacks GOP on Medicare, women and cars.

Real etymology is fun,

Take for example: wasserman.

When traced back to its German root

Most linguists say, without dispute,

The word means monster of the sea;

A cousin of the manatee.

(The wasser genus is a clan

That’s partly wasser, partly man.)

When wassers want a bite to eat

They cull a ship from ’midst the fleet,

And breathing fire with a roar,

Displace it to the ocean floor.

(Some child wassers, having throats

Much smaller, largely stick to boats.)

Big O's Budget Bath

Article link: Obama’s budget gets zero votes in Senate

O is for zero, for zilch and for none.

I’m speaking, of course, of votes that he won.

B is for budgets the president floats.

Let me repeat it: he got zero votes.

A is for aught, the brother to naught;

Even the Democrats couldn’t be bought.

M is for mud, like mud on your face;

A fitting display for O’s trophy case.

A is for ASAP, as soon as we can –

Grant him an early retirement plan.

The Ex

Article link: Jimmy Carter claims he’s ‘superior’ to other ex-presidents

I’ve got a great aunt, named Liberty,
Who kicked her man out the door.
He ruined her life, we all agree,
Leaving her wretched and poor.

The final decree, long stored away
For upwards of thirty years,
Regrettably won’t, to her dismay,
Ensure that he disappears.

He keeps popping up, first here, then there,
Encouraging all her foes;
Annoying her friends beyond repair,
While trying to interpose.

He chats with Fidel, his brother Raul,
And meets with Kim Jong-Il.
He wanders the world, a peacenik mule,
Calling his visits ‘good will.’

Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac

Were sitting in D.C.,

Planning their vacation, to the Bering Sea.

Fannie Mae said “Freddie Mac,

I want to take a train.”

Freddie said, “Now, Fannie, I think we must abstain.”

“We haven’t got the money;

We’re short a bit on loot.”

Fannie cried a little. Freddie followed suit.

So Fannie called on Congress,

To seek a long-term loan.

Freddie called Joe Biden, the jester near the throne.

Their coffers were replenished.

Their bank account reset;

Borrowed from their trust fund: our social safety net.

The Art of Fundraising

Article Link: ObamaCare waivers for San Francisco and Nevada

It pays to be Obama’s friend,

Quite handsomely indeed;

Just pay the piper for his song:

A waiver will proceed.

If luxury defines your plan

But you’ve a union seal,

You’ll get a signature and be

Exempt from his New Deal.

If you can see the Golden Gate

Relax, you’ll feel no pain.

Kathleen the Grate will sign your form;

You’re on the gravy train.

Three Former Candidates

Romney’s Rubicon

Article link: Romney defends Romneycare
You’ve got to feel sorry for Mitt

Who can’t find his way to admit

     His plan gets a nod

     From those on Cape Cod,

But Red States don’t like it one bit.

Nattering Newt

Article links: Gingrich slams Ryan plan; appears in climate-change PSA with Pelosi
Newt nullifies nomination:

Rebuking Ryan’s roadmap;

Pushing Pelosi’s policies,

Concerning climate claptrap.

Republicans respond rudely,

Suggesting Speaker stop;

(Not nicely) noting Newt’s no Knute;

Now nagging Newt nonstop.

The Donald: Part Deux

Article link: Trump Bows Out
Lately The Donald withdrew

From the Republican crew

     Who run for the post

     That matters the most,

Leaving less egos by two.

Federal Bomb Control

Article link: ATF starts wildfire in Texas

My friends may find me timid.

My foes might call me weak.

While others talk I listen,

And rarely seek to speak.

I look for bits of data

And patterns to emerge;

     Attempting then, to divine

     Where the patterns intertwine

And where the bits converge.

I’ve found that with assistance

From federal concerns,

Perhaps you’ll want to study

Their input and returns.

For when the federales

Arrive upon the scene,

     Look for things to go askew

     From the local point of view

With outcomes unforeseen.

The Current TV Triad

Article link: Michael Moore to join Olbermann on Gore’s Current TV

Pretend you’ve owned a cable shop

For right at six long years.

Your ratings meter never moves;

You’ve money in arrears.

Just get a few celebrities

To catch the public’s eye –

So many now are out of work,

They’ll certainly comply.

Rely first on the intellect

And brains of brother Gore,

Combine with rugged, handsome looks

That come from Michael Moore,

Add in the personality

That Olbermann displays:

The Current TV program brand

Will surely last for days!

Though some predict the old VP

Will suck up all the air,

And munchy-hungry Michael Moore

Will down the dinner fare,

Which will enrage Keith Olbermann

And cause him to combust,

I’m sure they’ll never violate

The sacred public trust.

Jihad Don’t Watch List

Article link: Osama bin Laden to al-Qaeda: 'Don't bother assassinating Joe Biden'

As of today, from this point on,

Perhaps we can agree upon

An armistice that I desire

That will, from all of us, require

No fun be made at Joe’s expense

For any old or new offense.

For when a man has been brought low

By death or scandal or a blow

To his position or his rank

One should refrain from joke or prank

Or other humor of the sort

To which we bloggers oft resort.

Joe Biden now lives in disgrace,

Discredit and the loss of face

By being in the group of one

Whose death the terrorists would shun.

(In case the latest news you’ve missed:

Joe’s on the Jihad Don’t Watch List!)

The Five Percent Solution

Article link: Obama claims border fence complete; claims Republicans want a moat

To understand the budget

From Obama’s point of view,

Just put a pen to paper

And do a quick review.

His border fence mathematics

Provides the clearest clue

Of Democrat accounting,

Where numbers are askew.

Start by calculating

A fence from here to there,

Of seven hundred miles

To set our border square.

Let’s say we’ve built for miles –

A touch o’er thirty-six –

A double chain-link roadblock

Through rocks and stones and sticks.

The Pronoun President

With apologies to Eugene Field, author of Wynken, Blynken, and Nod

Article link: Death of bin Laden is all about The One

Oh Me, Myself and I one night

     Came out to lecture you –

I stood before the TV lights

     To give my point of view.

 “What are you saying and what do you want?”

     The media asked of me;

“I have come to flaunt like a debutante,

     For Osama is dead, you see;

     And I gave the order, just me!”

               Said Me,

               Myself,

               And I.

Then Me, Myself and I went north

     To my New York event.

I preened awhile, then sallied forth,

     My image to cement.

“Where are you going and whatever for?”

     The media asked of me;

“I just can’t ignore the Seals anymore,

     For Osama is dead, you see;

     And I gave the order, just me!”

               Said Me,

               Myself,

               And I.

Kathleen the Grate

Article link: HHS Secretary Sebelius says seniors may ‘die sooner’ under Ryan plan

A rousing success for the HHS

Is Kathy’s intent each day.

Her expert advice, both firm and precise,

Is frequently on display.

But being prepared is hard when impaired

With dyslexic ears and eyes.

She hears the inverse and reads in reverse

When trying to improvise.

Her latest discourse was backwards, of course,

In claiming our seniors will die

If Paul Ryan’s bill is passed on the hill,

And grandmother’s cash runs dry.

I'd Walk a Mile for Obama

Article link: Obama administration floats plan to tax cars by the mile

That brilliant Obama machine

Wants all of our energy green;

     They’re trying to foil

     All uses of oil

From crude to refined propylene.

They’ve taxed us by gallons for years.

And now I’m afraid it appears

     On top they will pile

     A tax by the mile

Until all our wealth disappears.

You now feel the shock and the awe

That Democrats making the law

     Are willing to pass,

     On oil and gas,

To fashion their green Shangri-la.

The Modern Viking Funeral

Article link: California lawmakers want liquefaction instead of cremation

Enviro-nannies and their mates

Congregate in western states,

Debating laws that regulate

Toilets, lights and real estate.

To solve their carbon allergy,

Leftist leaders now would see

Cremation end, for it maintains

Carbonation of remains.

Those tie-dyed geniuses instead

Plan to liquefy our dead:

Potassium hydroxide mix

For the trip across the Styx.

This modern Viking funeral trend

Seems to me a bitter end.

And for myself, it gives me pain

Thinking I’ll go down the drain.

Leading From Behind

Article link: Advisor claims Obama is ‘leading from behind’

You might remember James Monroe,

Who did upon the world bestow

His famous doctrine, which decreed,

That European powers cede

Their efforts in our hemisphere,

Or on America’s frontier.

And Harry Truman’s doctrine said

We’d go to war to stop the spread

Of those who threatened liberty

With Marxist thought and tyranny.

That doctrine held until the fall

Of Russia and the Berlin Wall.

When JFK was president

He said it was our firm intent

That any burden, price or cost

Be paid that freedom not be lost.

In liberty his words enshrined

Our policy for all mankind.