Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bypassing Bureaucrats

Why should we fault poor Elmer,
Who's living on the street,
For taking bits of money
Without a bank receipt?

He bypassed welfare hassles
And bureaucratic rot;
He went straight for the bankers,
Who have what he ain’t got.

I’d call his self-help system
Both practical and sound:
He garnished from the richest
And spread the wealth around.

And now that he is famous,
If he can stay alert,
He may just have a future
As Congressman McGuirt.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Carnival Barker v. Ring Master

While The Donald may possess
Carnie Barker bona-fides,
In D.C. there’s a circus
Over which Barack presides.

With Nancy as his puppet,
And Joe Biden his buffoon,
With Harry as his crooner
They comprise a strange platoon.

With Weiner pushing teddys
And a Barney selling franks,
They keep a gal named Waters
To get cozy with the banks.

The show will soon be closing,
But there’s work we can’t evade:
The circus needs some scoopers
For the cleaning, post-parade.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Pam Pudden lives in Disconnect,
A place where citizens reject
The notion that a thought or deed,
Or any law that is decreed,
Could be the agent or the cause
Of anything but loud applause.

Pam Pudden likes to legislate
And use the power of the state
To keep the land around her freed,
From oil barons and their greed,
Or companies that bore a hole
And make a fortune mining coal.

The residents of Disconnect
See no connection with respect
To higher prices for their gas,
As anti-drilling laws they pass,
Or loss of corporate revenue
From businesses that say adieu.

Pam Pudden plunges straight ahead
And offers cash to those instead
Who conjure green technology,
But need a little subsidy,
To keep within the market rate
The ethanol which they create.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Obama's Heritage

I’ve heard a lot of chatter
And the spinning of gray matter
On the place and circumstances of his birth.
Maintaining my composure,
I sought a little closure
And decided that the facts I would unearth.

I doubt that he’s a Kenyan
And challenge the opinion
That he’s Indonesian by descent or line.
For exhaustive study shows
He cannot be one of those,
As his heritage is closer to the Rhine.

I know it sounds ironic
To say that he’s Teutonic
But I’ve found the facts that lead me to opine,
If you study in detail
You’ll eventually unveil
Kaiserchronik* does the president define.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Out of Office Memo

I'm glad you stopped; feel free to browse
As deep and long as time allows.
These few short lines you now traverse
Are all I have of newer verse.

The custom of the place I'm from
Requires that the Triduum
Be celebrated free of task
From Thursday eve until the Pasch.

So browse the archives, one by one;
Enjoy the older works I've spun.
And I'll return with newfound zest
When Christus Resurrectus Est!

My next post will appear Monday, April 25th.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The United Nations in Orbit

When people cease to believe in God, they don't believe in nothing;
they believe in anything. - G. K. Chesterton

Ambassadors from round the globe
Will don a diplomatic robe,
And to the great Assembly Hall
Today will make a service call
To raise their voices in debate
On Mother Earth’s eternal fate.

The plan calls for the world to sign
A treaty that will make divine
Our Pachamama (Mother Earth –
For those who suffer from a dearth
Of education on the gods
Of Andes and enviro-squads).

The plan, as point of trivia,
Was hatched down in Bolivia,
Which hopes the world will soon be chained
To living standards they’ve attained
By granting equal rights in law
To She who orbits sun god Ra.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Obama's Signing Statement

With apologies to A. P. Herbert, author of Triangular Legs

I’m somewhat unread on the deals that are bred
     In the realm of political art.
But the President said he had czars he would shed,
     When the parties were miles apart.
          As it came time to sign
          He invoked a new line
     And he jotted a statement that said,
          That he would not abide
          By the language inside
     And he’d do what he wanted instead.

I’m a bit out of style but I’ve thought for awhile
     That this president shouldn’t be trusted,
With his Democrat phyle lurking over the aisle
     and two leaders who act maladjusted.
          First they pass with a deem
          Their Obamacare dream
     Pushing deficits up by a mile.
          Then to cuts they consent
          Knowing they’ll circumvent
That to which they agreed in their guile.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Momma Liberty

Article link: New Stamp Features Wrong Statue of Liberty

If you’d like to revamp the new Post Office stamp
And its New York to Vegas fiasco;
If you want a remake ’cause the picture is fake,
Your complaint will be heard ex post facto.

But before you begin, you might think once again
As the error is truly symbolic.
For the U.S. today it does rightly portray:
It’s a liberal-run state parabolic.

Thru the real Ellis Isle did our grandparents file
With America’s dream as their vision.
And they all understood that by hard work they could
Both themselves and their family provision.

But the Vegas we know is about making dough
Through a card game or dice or a lever.
You acquire your pile with a drink and a smile
And with no effort in the endeavor.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Obama: Ginning the Future

‘To generate, devise or craft,’
Per dictionary text;
‘Exaggerate or set a snare,’
It itemizes next;
‘To stimulate, enliven’ or
‘To stir up’ ends the list,
Of all the meanings that the phrase
To Gin Up could consist.

Do generate, devise or craft
Resemble words he said?
He generates more deficits;
He crafts the ledger red.
With devices he’s acquainted
To hide his spending spree.
He blames the House and Senators
And, always, Forty-Three.

Exaggerate? I think I heard,
Perhaps, a bit too much.
On elderly and poor he leaned
As cripple on a crutch.
If Ryan’s budget plan is passed,
The President asserts,
Our elderly are sure to starve;
The poor will lose their shirts.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hey, Mulligan Man!

Article Link: Obama's 'Budget Do-Over' Speech

Sometimes we’re caught flat-footed,
Sometimes we’re unaware;
We’re forced to make decisions,
And no time to prepare.
If we could call a Mulligan
And hatch a brand new plan,
Then wouldn’t life be grander
To be a Mulligan Man?

But Lady Luck is for us
With one to show the way:
We’ve got that Artful Dodger
Alive with us today!
The one to give out lessons
And show us how we can,
Is currently the President:
Hooray, Mulligan Man!

Look back on those uprisings
Throughout the Middle East:
Which started with the Persians
Who ended up deceased.
But when they spread to Egypt
The White House found a plan,
And stood behind the rebels:
Good job, Mulligan Man!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Juan Williams: Adaptive Journalist

Article link: Juan Williams shows his leftist stripes

Juan Williams’ solid résumé
Does not foretell the disarray,
Or mass confusion he can leave,
When on occasion he does weave,
From right to left and left to right:
At times within the same sound bite.

As his career in news advanced,
His reputation was enhanced
As one on whom the left could count,
To keep their narrative account,
Of all the latest liberal views
Well represented in the news.

But somewhere on Juan’s road to fame
He lost his liberal card and name,
By listing right when on the air
At Fox News Channel with Bret Baier,
Then darting to the left once more
As one of NPR’s press corps.

His leftist pals were not amused;
And feeling that they were misused,
They lay in wait for Juan to say
Some turn of phrase they could portray
As out of bounds, so NPR
Could tell the scoundrel au revoir.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Misunderstanding Pelosi

Article link: Pelosi calls GOP budget 'a war on women'

Republicans are cheep and callus,
Mostly mail and full of malice,
Course and fowl inn the mane:
Seeking prophet from there rain.

Democrats are horse, butt weighting
Idol daze two start debating,
Those who birth a cross the isle
Inn a fare and civil stile.

Eye hope that ewe all now can sea
How correspondence disagree,
On the phrases they wood sight
From the left and from the write.

Their is a chants that things were mist
When hour deer Nancy did insist
“On women their is wore!”
Bye Boehner’s rite wing core.

I’m sure bye wore she meant the cents
Of sheik gnu cloze of lo expense.
Butt wore when said allowed,
Was war herd bye the crowd.

Translation for non-Homophonics:

Friday, April 8, 2011

Legal, Safe and Rare

A fourteen-trillion deficit
Is nothing at to sneer,
But in these times of hope and change
We think we’ve been austere.
Another one-point-five-trillion
And then we’ll start to pare:
We want to keep our budget cuts
All legal, safe and rare.

We know the voters turned us out
The last election day,
And gave the House to radicals,
Hell-bent on foul play.
But voters took a different tack
And did the Senate spare,
So we just treat Republicans
As legal, safe and rare.

Though consequences are to flow
Beyond the ballot box,
In truth we don’t much give a damn
For populi’s clear vox.
So let those new House members
Pass all the bills they dare;
Their chances in the Upper House
Are legal, safe and rare.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bamm-Bamm's Budget Plan

Article link: Obama Tells GOP to Act Like Grownups

What leadership! Obama-style:
To hide away the longest while,
And dither ’til the very last -
Until the time is almost past.

Then ride in at the end of day,
Adopt whatever plan’s in play,
Proclaim its merits as your own
And say debate is overblown.

As evidence I would submit
The budget, dragging bit by bit,
O’er months of fruitless talks, and yet
The President played hard to get.

He named Joe Biden as his man:
Joe had a meeting, then he ran,
To meet the Russians overseas
And charm them with his expertise.

Monday, April 4, 2011

The Hunt for a Red November

Who is the wonky budgeteer, so bold
That would the sacred Medicare remold;
Who walks the plank of Medicaid reform,
And calls out for his peers to help transform
The decades-old response of lethargy
To debt we use to fill our treasury?

He like a visionary does foreknow
That failure to attack the status quo –
A welfare state that throws a safety net
Sustained by IOUs and foreign debt
And birth to death pursues us through the years –
Will surely drown the country in arrears.

He knows the coming Democratic swarm
Will seek to obfuscate and misinform,
With masses marching in the public square
And congressmen who wail their false despair.
But toward the sound of battle he will stride
With Providence and reason by his side.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

The Donald

There once was a man, name of Trump,
Whose comb-over often did slump.
     He ached to be POTUS;
     When no one took notice,
He in with the Birthers did jump.

The hopes of The Donald ascended.
As POTUS he thought he’d be splendid.
     But voters can’t handle
     The hint of a scandal,
Or those who to bankruptcy tended.

He’s got a new job on TV.
He’s fair and he’s balanced, you’ll see.
     He knows he’s the shrewdest,
     The loudest and rudest
And everyone else must agree.

The famous should all be aware,
Aside from the Franken affair,
     The voters won’t favor
     A self-loving raver,
In spite of his perfect blond hair.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Obama’s Libyan Strategery

For those who study history
And military strategy,
A new approach to waging war
In ways that were untried before,
     Is rarely seen or heard:
     The old ways are preferred.

But in these times of global strife,
With sounds of drum and notes of fife,
A new man joins the hall of fame
Of leaders who receive acclaim,
     For strategy in war,
     Too brilliant to ignore.

With Hannibal, Napoleon,
And Kahn, the great Mongolian,
With Brennus and with Pericles
With Sun Tzu and Eurybiades,
     Our President does share
     A real strategic flair.