Bypassing Bureaucrats

Article link: Homeless man robs bank, gives money away

Why should we fault poor Elmer,

Who's living on the street,

For taking bits of money

Without a bank receipt?

He bypassed welfare hassles

And bureaucratic rot;

He went straight for the bankers,

Who have what he ain’t got.

I’d call his self-help system

Both practical and sound:

He garnished from the richest

And spread the wealth around.

And now that he is famous,

If he can stay alert,

He may just have a future

As Congressman McGuirt.

Carnival Barker v. Ring Master

Article link: Obama calls Trump a carnival barker

While The Donald may possess

Carnie Barker bona-fides,

In D.C. there’s a circus

Over which Barack presides.

With Nancy as his puppet,

And Joe Biden his buffoon,

With Harry as his crooner

They comprise a strange platoon.

With Weiner pushing teddys

And a Barney selling franks,

They keep a gal named Waters

To get cozy with the banks.

The show will soon be closing,

But there’s work we can’t evade:

The circus needs some scoopers

For the cleaning, post-parade.

Disconnect

Pam Pudden lives in Disconnect,

A place where citizens reject

The notion that a thought or deed,

Or any law that is decreed,

Could be the agent or the cause

Of anything but loud applause.

Pam Pudden likes to legislate

And use the power of the state

To keep the land around her freed,

From oil barons and their greed,

Or companies that bore a hole

And make a fortune mining coal.

The residents of Disconnect

See no connection with respect

To higher prices for their gas,

As anti-drilling laws they pass,

Or loss of corporate revenue

From businesses that say adieu.

Pam Pudden plunges straight ahead

And offers cash to those instead

Who conjure green technology,

But need a little subsidy,

To keep within the market rate

The ethanol which they create.

Obama's Heritage

Article Link: Obama’s birthplace is focus of new book

I’ve heard a lot of chatter

And the spinning of gray matter

On the place and circumstances of his birth.

Maintaining my composure,

I sought a little closure

And decided that the facts I would unearth.

I doubt that he’s a Kenyan

And challenge the opinion

That he’s Indonesian by descent or line.

For exhaustive study shows

He cannot be one of those,

As his heritage is closer to the Rhine.

I know it sounds ironic

To say that he’s Teutonic

But I’ve found the facts that lead me to opine,

If you study in detail

You’ll eventually unveil

Kaiserchronik* does the president define.

Out of Office Memo

I'm glad you stopped; feel free to browse

As deep and long as time allows.

These few short lines you now traverse

Are all I have of newer verse.

The custom of the place I'm from

Requires that the Triduum

Be celebrated free of task

From Thursday eve until the Pasch.

So browse the archives, one by one;

Enjoy the older works I've spun.

And I'll return with newfound zest

When Christus Resurrectus Est!

My next post will appear Monday, April 25th.

The United Nations in Orbit

When people cease to believe in God, they don't believe in nothing;

they believe in anything. - G. K. Chesterton

Article Link: UN to debate giving ‘Mother Earth’ human rights

Ambassadors from round the globe

Will don a diplomatic robe,

And to the great Assembly Hall

Today will make a service call

To raise their voices in debate

On Mother Earth’s eternal fate.

The plan calls for the world to sign

A treaty that will make divine

Our Pachamama (Mother Earth –

For those who suffer from a dearth

Of education on the gods

Of Andes and enviro-squads).

The plan, as point of trivia,

Was hatched down in Bolivia,

Which hopes the world will soon be chained

To living standards they’ve attained

By granting equal rights in law

To She who orbits sun god Ra.

Obama's Signing Statement

With apologies to A. P. Herbert, author of Triangular Legs

Article link: Signing statement skirts budget agreement

I’m somewhat unread on the deals that are bred

     In the realm of political art.

But the President said he had czars he would shed,

     When the parties were miles apart.

          As it came time to sign

          He invoked a new line

     And he jotted a statement that said,

          That he would not abide

          By the language inside

     And he’d do what he wanted instead.

I’m a bit out of style but I’ve thought for awhile

     That this president shouldn’t be trusted,

With his Democrat phyle lurking over the aisle

     and two leaders who act maladjusted.

          First they pass with a deem

          Their Obamacare dream

     Pushing deficits up by a mile.

          Then to cuts they consent

          Knowing they’ll circumvent

That to which they agreed in their guile.

Momma Liberty

Article link: New Stamp Features Wrong Statue of Liberty

If you’d like to revamp the new Post Office stamp

And its New York to Vegas fiasco;

If you want a remake ’cause the picture is fake,

Your complaint will be heard ex post facto.

But before you begin, you might think once again

As the error is truly symbolic.

For the U.S. today it does rightly portray:

It’s a liberal-run state parabolic.

Thru the real Ellis Isle did our grandparents file

With America’s dream as their vision.

And they all understood that by hard work they could

Both themselves and their family provision.

But the Vegas we know is about making dough

Through a card game or dice or a lever.

You acquire your pile with a drink and a smile

And with no effort in the endeavor.

Obama: Ginning the Future

Article link: Obama's budget speech: Winning the Future

‘To generate, devise or craft,’

Per dictionary text;

‘Exaggerate or set a snare,’

It itemizes next;

‘To stimulate, enliven’ or

‘To stir up’ ends the list,

Of all the meanings that the phrase

To Gin Up could consist.

Do generate, devise or craft

Resemble words he said?

He generates more deficits;

He crafts the ledger red.

With devices he’s acquainted

To hide his spending spree.

He blames the House and Senators

And, always, Forty-Three.

Exaggerate? I think I heard,

Perhaps, a bit too much.

On elderly and poor he leaned

As cripple on a crutch.

If Ryan’s budget plan is passed,

The President asserts,

Our elderly are sure to starve;

The poor will lose their shirts.

Hey, Mulligan Man!

Article Link: Obama's 'Budget Do-Over' Speech

Sometimes we’re caught flat-footed,

Sometimes we’re unaware;

We’re forced to make decisions,

And no time to prepare.

If we could call a Mulligan

And hatch a brand new plan,

Then wouldn’t life be grander

To be a Mulligan Man?

But Lady Luck is for us

With one to show the way:

We’ve got that Artful Dodger

Alive with us today!

The one to give out lessons

And show us how we can,

Is currently the President:

Hooray, Mulligan Man!

Look back on those uprisings

Throughout the Middle East:

Which started with the Persians

Who ended up deceased.

But when they spread to Egypt

The White House found a plan,

And stood behind the rebels:

Good job, Mulligan Man!

Juan Williams: Adaptive Journalist

Article link: Juan Williams shows his leftist stripes

Juan Williams’ solid résumé

Does not foretell the disarray,

Or mass confusion he can leave,

When on occasion he does weave,

From right to left and left to right:

At times within the same sound bite.

As his career in news advanced,

His reputation was enhanced

As one on whom the left could count,

To keep their narrative account,

Of all the latest liberal views

Well represented in the news.

But somewhere on Juan’s road to fame

He lost his liberal card and name,

By listing right when on the air

At Fox News Channel with Bret Baier,

Then darting to the left once more

As one of NPR’s press corps.

His leftist pals were not amused;

And feeling that they were misused,

They lay in wait for Juan to say

Some turn of phrase they could portray

As out of bounds, so NPR

Could tell the scoundrel au revoir.

Misunderstanding Pelosi

Article link: Pelosi calls GOP budget 'a war on women'

Republicans are cheep and callus,

Mostly mail and full of malice,

Course and fowl inn the mane:

Seeking prophet from there rain.

Democrats are horse, butt weighting

Idol daze two start debating,

Those who birth a cross the isle

Inn a fare and civil stile.

Eye hope that ewe all now can sea

How correspondence disagree,

On the phrases they wood sight

From the left and from the write.

Their is a chants that things were mist

When hour deer Nancy did insist

“On women their is wore!”

Bye Boehner’s rite wing core.

I’m sure bye wore she meant the cents

Of sheik gnu cloze of lo expense.

Butt wore when said allowed,

Was war herd bye the crowd.

Translation for non-Homophonics:

Legal, Safe and Rare

A fourteen-trillion deficit
Is nothing at to sneer,
But in these times of hope and change
We think we’ve been austere.
Another one-point-five-trillion
And then we’ll start to pare:
We want to keep our budget cuts
All legal, safe and rare.

We know the voters turned us out
The last election day,
And gave the House to radicals,
Hell-bent on foul play.
But voters took a different tack
And did the Senate spare,
So we just treat Republicans
As legal, safe and rare.

Though consequences are to flow
Beyond the ballot box,
In truth we don’t much give a damn
For populi’s clear vox.
So let those new House members
Pass all the bills they dare;
Their chances in the Upper House
Are legal, safe and rare.

Bamm-Bamm's Budget Plan

Article link: Obama Tells GOP to Act Like Grownups

What leadership! Obama-style:

To hide away the longest while,

And dither ’til the very last -

Until the time is almost past.

Then ride in at the end of day,

Adopt whatever plan’s in play,

Proclaim its merits as your own

And say debate is overblown.

As evidence I would submit

The budget, dragging bit by bit,

O’er months of fruitless talks, and yet

The President played hard to get.

He named Joe Biden as his man:

Joe had a meeting, then he ran,

To meet the Russians overseas

And charm them with his expertise.

The Hunt for a Red November

Who is the wonky budgeteer, so bold

That would the sacred Medicare remold;

Who walks the plank of Medicaid reform,

And calls out for his peers to help transform

The decades-old response of lethargy

To debt we use to fill our treasury?

He like a visionary does foreknow

That failure to attack the status quo –

A welfare state that throws a safety net

Sustained by IOUs and foreign debt

And birth to death pursues us through the years –

Will surely drown the country in arrears.

He knows the coming Democratic swarm

Will seek to obfuscate and misinform,

With masses marching in the public square

And congressmen who wail their false despair.

But toward the sound of battle he will stride

With Providence and reason by his side.

The Donald

There once was a man, name of Trump,

Whose comb-over often did slump.

     He ached to be POTUS;

     When no one took notice,

He in with the Birthers did jump.

The hopes of The Donald ascended.

As POTUS he thought he’d be splendid.

     But voters can’t handle

     The hint of a scandal,

Or those who to bankruptcy tended.

He’s got a new job on TV.

He’s fair and he’s balanced, you’ll see.

     He knows he’s the shrewdest,

     The loudest and rudest

And everyone else must agree.

Epilogue:

The famous should all be aware,

Aside from the Franken affair,

     The voters won’t favor

     A self-loving raver,

In spite of his perfect blond hair.

Obama’s Libyan Strategery

For those who study history

And military strategy,

A new approach to waging war

In ways that were untried before,

     Is rarely seen or heard:

     The old ways are preferred.

But in these times of global strife,

With sounds of drum and notes of fife,

A new man joins the hall of fame

Of leaders who receive acclaim,

     For strategy in war,

     Too brilliant to ignore.

With Hannibal, Napoleon,

And Kahn, the great Mongolian,

With Brennus and with Pericles

With Sun Tzu and Eurybiades,

     Our President does share

     A real strategic flair.