Saturday, July 16, 2011

Julie Bass: Anarchy in Oak Park


Your honor, may it please the court,
I’ve just received a new report
Detailing crimes of Julie Bass,
The woman who despises grass.

I’m sure your honor was informed
About the way Ms. Bass transformed
Her yard into a veggie bed,
Without the city’s go ahead.

But now, your honor, we’ve found more
Examples of her civil war
Against the city and its code;
And this time it’s the mother lode!

We’ve noticed that Ms. Bass surrounds
Herself with two unlicensed hounds,
Which she allows to freely roam
Both in her yard and in her home.

Our public safety is at stake!
If we allow Ms. Bass to break
The law without a consequence,
Anarchy will, no doubt, commence.

And having left unturned no stone
We think your honor should make known
That since the charges count as three,
Her crimes must now be called a spree.

With ‘three strikes’ laws still on the books
To deal with anarchists and crooks
Like Julie Bass, the outlaw wife,
We seek a prison term of life.

And when she’s safely locked in jail
For living well beyond the pale,
We’ll then resume our normal lives
As Oak Park men with Stepford wives.

Read the original Julie Bass poem: The Oak Park Outlaw

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